Updated: Mar 3
You’ll often hear experienced swingers proclaim that the only rules that matter are your rules, and they couldn’t be more correct.
You are the experts in your relationship, so although you can learn from relationship experts and more experienced couples, your unique insight and understanding of subjective experiences makes you the ultimate authority.
Establishing rules in advance is of paramount importance. Ask and answer as many questions as possible to prepare for a variety of outcomes:
Are there sexual activities that are off-limits?
What sexual activities are you comfortable engaging in?
How will you communicate that you’re (un)comfortable with a particular couple?
Do you have a safe word/signal that you can use in case you need to take a break?
What would you like your partner to do if you use your safe word/signal?
Are you interested in singles, other couples or groups?
Would you rather “play” in private or in public?
Are you willing to play with the same couple more than once?
Are you looking to develop lasting friendships with other couples or simply seeking casual sex?
What will you do if your partner is interested in someone else, but you’re not interested in that person’s partner?
How will you check in with one another during the experience?
How will you meet other couples — online or in-person? And is it acceptable to contact others online alone or only with your partner present?
How will you debrief after your experience?
Revisit your rules periodically, as your feelings, desires and boundaries might change over time.