Updated: Mar 3
Push the reset button on your sex life
If you’re coupled and stuck in a sexual rut, you’re not alone. While dry spells are a normal part of any relationship, it’s still no consolation for couples experiencing one. “Familiarity is the death of the sex drive,” Allison Moon author of “Girl Sex 101” told Healthline. “The more we get used to someone, the less exciting sex becomes.”
Here are some quick tips — some of which I’ve tried — to help reignite passion if your sex life is lacking.
1. Liberate your body’s energy in a new way
“Go dancing or try yoga,” says Moon. “Once you affirm your connection with your own body, you can affirm your connection with your partner’s body.” One survey found that coupled but sexually inactive people were prone to feelings of sadness and felt unattractive. Reclaim your sexual power by finding new ways to move and get comfortable in your body.
2. Reignite your dopamine with a fresh experience
“Doing something new creates a sense of bonding and intimacy. Think outside of the box and do an activity that might scare you or excite you, like an amusement park ride or an escape room,” advises Sunny Megatron, sex educator and co-host of the American Sex Podcast. “You will create dopamine and duplicate the same feelings you had in the honeymoon phase of your relationship.”
Experts say dopamine and other chemicals in the brain are directly linked to physical attraction and romantic passion, which is why bonding over a new activity together could help spark arousal.
3. Schedule a sex “fact-finding” night
“Take one night to have a raw discussion about what you do and don’t like sexually, explore new sex moves, and talk about your hidden fantasies,” Megatron told Healthline. “Don’t pressure yourself to be sexy, just experiment to see what you like and say what you normally avoid saying out of fear of embarrassing yourself or sounding insensitive.”
A 2016 online research survey on 1,200 men and women ages 18-25 showed that men and women have wildly different sexual expectations. These expectations are unlikely to change overnight, so couples must communicate their likes and dislikes in bed in order to have a mutually pleasurable experience.
4. Take a sex class and use your weekend to practice
“Taking a couples’ sex class can open up a whole new avenue of sex play,” says Megatron. Finding a one-night sex class is as easy as hopping on Eventbrite or Facebook. Couples can learn about new sex positions, techniques, and toys and props for sex play, in a learning environment that is fun — not intimidating.
When I took a bondage class with my partner, the sex educator was welcoming and made us feel comfortable. I recommend it to any couple that wants to have fun while learning new tricks.